No lo puedo creer... I always dig my own grave...

Why are boys so complicated..... i will not call until he calls....
in fact, i don't even know if he uses phones.... i just talk to him in person and online...
dag!

I want to go back to that Saturday in LABOR DAY weekend. how i spent 13 hours  by the beach with people that i care for and respect. how we were in indiana and barack obama supporters were trying to recruit us and us them.... sandwiches, sofball, burns, grapes, sleep....in the sun.... awww.....summer.....

Hi all,


We are starting a Medical Billing and Coding program here in Little Village. Our program is offered at a very low cost thanks to money from the Department of Human Services.

Classes will be held on Tuesdays and Thursday from 6:00-8:00pm and Saturdays from 9:00am to 12:00pm. We will begin in January 2009. You would take two classes in the Spring, two in the Summer and two in the Fall. We are working with Malcolm X College to be able to bring the classes to this neighborhood.

If you know of anyone who is interested. Have them call Fanny at (773) 418-5629.


Thank You.

so what if i'm not making the "right" decisions".....they are still my decisions.... so what if you have known me for so long....you don't know me now.....

Hi all,

Yes it is me again. I think I have sent a million emails but I want to extend this invitation once more. It takes place in Little Village.

3rd Annual Women's Open Mic
2657 S. Lawndale Ave. (basement)
6pm-9pm

Everyone and guests are welcomed. Only women will read. Come and have a good time and enjoy lyrics, poems, and readings.

Contact me if you have any questions.

Okay....so seriously... summerdance yesterday was THE BOMB!!!!
fandanguero.....a bunch of paisas, a bunch of whities....a bunch of other people of color....
they threw down....i have seen them lots of times but never like last night....we took over summerdance.
it was truly a night to remember. so much dancing....ohhh so much dancing....

it goes to show that when we support of community members and talents, we truly kick ass....mexico was on michigan avenue and it was great.....

i need a hobby....i have too much time on my hands and i end up doing stupid things.

God i love softball!

wish me luck!
today we play a very competitive softball team!

two more weeks til' puerto rico. i can't wait. my mind can't wait. i need to leave to another place desperately. i am so sleepy and tired right now and i just wish i was home....watching cable......

i have been stressed out lately. a lot. angry i think. at people i can't or shouldn't express my aggressive thoughts. my head hurts and i think i'm just anxious. to go to sleep.

My journal turned six years old on June 10. Wow! time flies. 

there might be a better reason, moment, quote or theory to live by but i dont know it.
I am in constant reality that is full of dreams, hopes and wishes.
And yet i am stuck and i am stuck because i care
Because the reality is that i cannot say or make myself even process a thought of leaving. As if i had obligations here. And yet if i was to disappear tomorrow, it would make "almost" no difference. And that kind of makes me feel good. No one should depend only on one person. So why is it that at 21 (about to be 22 in two months) i am more confused than at 15. I sit alone and know that i am doomed to be alone for at least another half a year  (this might be boblical times that can mean 500 years) cus i cant gather the courage to admit to the entire world that i failed at the one relationship that is "supposed to be forever." So to this i say.... "whateva!!!!!" i just want to shower and sleep now.

Date:	2008-06-03 13:55
Subject:	i am
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

...anywho....we did a video for rudy lozano 25th anniversary death. So we did it kinda like will.iam (barack obama) ...it was cool
my line was somewhat simple....it was about two sentences and yet i kept freezing...nine takes...... i felt dumb...

The line we all had to work with was ...
I carry on the work of Rudy Lozano because i believe in______________________________



i cant wait to finish the result. It will be played at UIC on June 22Nd at 3pm (Illinois Room). Please come through....i also learn more and more when i attend these events.

 i made a complete fool out of myself. I never played softball and for some reason i thought i might actually be good at it. it was tough. granted simone said i was very good for my first time but arent people supposed to say that out of curtesy? whatever. the problem was hitting the ball, the problem was that once i batted, i thew the bat like crazy. Not once did i learn how to just lay it. the other team cacther was scared cus i kept throwing it. i tried but i couldn't do it......

Date:	2008-04-20 21:50
Subject:	dodger
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	damian rice

I' m so going to see SEX IN THE CITY the first day it comes out!

 sadly, i haven't been doing too good. i know i can and should reach out to someone to talk but i don't want to. School also hasn't allowed me the time to scream out to the world my worries, my failures, my loses and my broken dreams. Its as though i'm back to square one and mabe on square -1. Acting on my decisions is the hardest thing to do right now. My head feels like it is going to explode and i have difficulty imagining where i'm going to be in six months. Whether i even want to think that far ahead, I don't know if i didn't think too far ahead or if i thought too far ahead.  

 will our dreams ever turn reality?
will we will in poverty and always be oppresed?
can we justify or should we justify wanting to make more money.
can't even remember the lat time my mom didn't struggle to meet bill payments.
yet i remember the days in mexico when we had nothing to eat.... rigth after my fathers assasination and my sister's tragic car accident. 
somethings just don't add up. sometimes things  don't seem as easy. things have to be better. we deserve better. years of working like dogs should be enough. no charity.... what you deserve.

for anyone who has ever doubted that what goes around comes around,
for anyone that doubts that you do pay for everything you have ever done,
for anyone that still has hope in humanity.

i believe that i am paying for all the sins in the world, i imagine that jesus had it worst, but still i cannot belive the amount of suffering that i have encounterring and even taken part of in the past 24hours. if at anytime you become disinterested in life, remember me, in other words, i believe that death would be a blessing now.
   i can assure you all that i going through a depression state that i don't feel cold or heat anymore. i neither care or aim to care. i can no longer for or against and whats worst is that at the end of ech day i have hundreds of pages of reading and dozens of homework assignments. i love my mom but i am afraid of getting to close to her because she will begin asking questions. i am afraid that i will be walking and fall asleep in the process. i smile because i can and that is it. i am dead or close to it.